case studies
Angela’s Story
My marriage ended in August 2005 and to say I was devastated is an enormous understatement. I had been with David for 22 years, married for 16 and had 2 children aged 8 and 11, I was 39. I did not know what to do with my life, I could see no future, all my life seemed to crumble before my eyes, and I hit rock bottom. No one really knew what to say to me, our family had never had a divorce, I did discover who my real friends were but I was stuck.
I first discovered Heart to Heart through an article in the local paper and I remember feeling that I was not alone and here was an organisation that could perhaps help. I contacted the office and was sent a wonderful book “Breaking Up Without cracking Up” which helped me see I was not alone.
I attended my first support meeting in May 2006 and immediately felt listened too and at last by others who understood where I was and how I felt.
After attending these monthly meetings my mum began to remark on the difference she could see; I was always lifted afterwards. I then attended the 6 week course, which was very helpful and allowed me to grow and see my future.
I became a volunteer in 2007 and can honestly say I find the work without doubt one of the most positive things in my life. To see a person come out of the awful pain of divorce or separation even by a tiny step is something I feel privileged to be part of. Personally I am no longer the person I was in my marriage; I am more confident, happier and love the work I do with Heart to Heart. It has certainly given me a new belief in myself and I now face new challenges with a very positive attitude.
I am now part of the volunteering team of Heart to Heart.
Read more of angela’s story in an article published in the Daily Record
Janet’s Story- a testimony straight from the heart
My marriage of over 20 years fell apart at the seams and I was broken and alone. Initially I was in shock, unable to cope, in hospital, in despair, in denial, ‘in’ just about everything and very emotional. I found myself on my own and very depressed.
Three months later, following the initial hurt, pain, anger, I was sitting in my Doctors waiting room and I picked up a leaflet for ‘Heart to Heart’. Here was a support group for people ‘like me’.
I rang Heart to Heart and they invited me on the next course. In the meantime, they loaned me a book ‘Breaking Up Without Cracking Up’. I started reading it and, three hours later, closed it. I couldn’t put it down, it seemed as though this was my story – every emotion, every feeling, but it was also giving me some answers to major questions and, more importantly, some sort of hope for the future.
It took some courage to go to the first ‘Heart to Heart’ meeting - maybe because I was still so hurt and so emotionally raw. Everything was so close to me and I could hardly speak for tears. But at least I no longer felt so alone, because we all think at the time that ‘it’ is only happening to us, whereas in reality it is very saddening to know just how many families the pain of separation affects. Statistics are frightening.
Men, women and children get hurt.
The ‘Heart to Heart’ group helped me in many ways. Firstly it was a night out at a place where I didn’t have to hide my emotions. Secondly, it was with people who really understood my situation, people with similar experiences and at various stages of ‘recovery’, people who showed me the time it can take to heal, who didn’t judge me
Thankfully I have now managed to move my life on - I hit the big 5-0 2 years ago and life is good. I have a wonderful family, a new relationship with God and great friends, who have all supported me throughout the good times and the bad.
I would give Heart to Heart and its volunteers a 10 out of 10 for the support they offer to anyone affected by divorce or separation. It helps to know that there are people out there who are or have been in a similar situation to yourself
Heart to Heart is still very close to my heart. I decided to give something back and am now a volunteer. I have been on an initial Volunteers Training Day which gave me a good insight into the organisation.
I now lead a very full life and feel ‘whole’ again - believe me, time does heal and the heartache and despair do fade - I’m not saying it has been easy, often it has been a struggle, but I feel I have finally just about ‘got there’.
Yes, divorce or separation is devastating and painful, but sometimes inevitable also. But once you take your life back and find that inner strength and resolve that is in all of us, you will survive and in time, the healing process will be complete and you will feel a whole person again.
Book - ‘Breaking up without Cracking up’ by Christopher Compston ISBN 0-00-274001-X
Articles on HOPE from Heart to Heart
Dark Place
I was in a really dark place and thought I was going slightly mad! I had been separated for a year and could not understand how I was not moving on.
I felt, I think; in even more despair that when I first separated.
You expect to feel devastated in the first few months but surely not a year along the line. That’s why I felt I would never be normal again.
I did not want to feel ecstatic about anything I just wanted to feel normal i.e. feel nothing. I felt that every cell in my body had been zapped.
I called Relate asking them if they could help me because I did not know where to turn. They were helpful and said that I could wait for an appointment and they would try and help but in the meantime gave me Heart to Heart’s telephone number.
The following rainy horrible day I was driving to an appointment and pulled over because my tears and pain engulfed me. I could not drive let alone help someone with their problems.
I called Heart to Heart and spoke to Lynne Murray to whom I will always have the deepest gratitude.
Her wisdom and generosity from day one has been without exception and that is still the case. She gave me HOPE that things would get better and there was something I could do take back some of the control in my life which had totally deserted me.
I attended the six week support meetings which were a life-line to me.
Knowing that I was safe to speak openly and not be judged. To hear that what I was feeling was normal. To be shown how to progress to a feeling of freedom, peace and contentment.
I felt that everyone, Support Volunteers and Clients held my heart in their hands and cared for it until I felt whole again.
I have now become a Volunteer so that in some small way I may give hope to someone who is feeling the desolation I felt.
I very much want to show that there is healing but there is no quick fix.
The journey takes as long as it takes but the destination is worth everything that has gone before.
I understand myself better now than ever did. I have had the time to learn and grow hopefully into a better person.
The understanding support is there. I have gained new lifelong friendships with people I would have never have met who truly understand where I have come from.
Marjory Brown
Before Heart to Heart
Before I was at the six week support course in Dunblane Hotel I was stuck in a rut with nothing to look forward to. It has taken me some time to get going but I am now reaping the benefits, I am more confident, do not find excuses not to do something and am now surprising myself by offering to do things that were unthinkable before.
I have been to my sons 25th wedding anniversarry [even though I knew my ex would be there] something unthinkable in the past. Things I missed out on just because I was hiding myself away.
So I am so grateful to Heart to Heart for giving me a new life.
Hilda Thomson